Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Help, I've fallen.... and I can't get up!!

Do y'all remember that commercial? That little ole blue haired lady falling in her kitchen and the only thing that was able to save her was the alert necklace around her neck! Well, that was me, without the alert necklace, yesterday!  I know, it is always something.  One day I'm blue and then the next day I am trippin' over my feet.
Yesterday afternoon, I took a late lunch and picked up my little sister from school.  I dropped her off at momma n'ems house and was able to chat a bit and see my babies before I returned to work (honestly, this is some of my most favorite moments of the day).  We were sitting outside, the kids were running around, and I noticed that Red had stripped herself of her coat.  I'm thinking o-no she di'nt, and I tell her ya gotta put on your coat or we are going inside.  It was a little windy outside and all last week the kids had been sick with a cough, runny nose, and ear infections (I do not want to revisit any of that anytime soon....not many things gross me out, but snot kinda makes me wanna yak).  Back to the story, I tell her again, put on your coat.  Red replies with a quick, "no".  I'm thinking, sweet Jesus, why does she wanna test me, in front of my mother, her grandmother!  I tell her again, more of a stern voice, and still the child refuses.  So, then I tell her I'm going to count to 3.  Why, I do this I am not sure.  Counting to 3 does not really effect or scare my people in any sort of way, sometimes Brayden just counts with me, I guess he thinks I am not sure of my counting so he helps me and sometimes tries to do it faster to say that he wins... but whatev. 
So, I count.
She does nothing.
So, her Honey stands up and says lets just go in then and it is time for a nap.
But no, momma knows best..... I want her to pick up her coat and put it on!
So, I tell her I am going to get the spanking spoon.  (Alright, please do not think I am beating my babies, half of the time they laugh when they get a spankin'.  So, if you are reporting me to scan or are going to leave me a "anonymous" comment, please do not, ain't nobody got time for that!
So, I go and get the spoon (which is really a spatula) and start walking out of the house tellin' her she is gettin' a whoopin', and then it happens I missed the step walking out of the house and fall.  That is right, I am thinking I have broken my ankle.  A crazy amount of pain goes through my foot and my calf, it is unreal!  So painful, not child birth painful but it is pain!
Well, with me in the pain, momma and Katie holding me up, who decides she will pick up her coat and go inside (with her nose in the air, almost like a humpf)... yes, my Red.
I guess, momma (me) did not know best.  My momma on the other hand, may have known best when she said let's just go inside and take a nap..... why did I not listen to her?
I am crying and hurting and then I realize in all of my pain that I have peed my pants (yes, it happens when I have an unexpected painful falls), who knew?  Seriously, this issue is gettin' a little bit ridic!  Young girls, stay in school, meet a nice boy, get married, do your keegles, then have those babies!  Since I forgo those silly exercises I now pay the price! (male friends if you are still reading, so sorry but I speak the truth, don't look at me any differently).
After a few hours and a pain pill the soreness of the ankle was easing up.  My parents had an old pair of crutches that they let me use, and that is how I am getting around now.  Let me just say, crutches are not awesome.  If you have no upper body strength then look out!  As I was beginning my hobbly walk, one of the crutches flew out from under me..... and I fell on the foot again!  Eek, ouch, it did not feel good.  I think I did a great job of keepin' it Christian, I just howled like a hurt wolf and whined like a little baby!
Since the 2nd fall, I am getting a little bit better with the crutches.  I have some bruising under my arms and against my ribs, and then a little bit of uncomfortableness in the armpits (I know, nothing like armpit pain, just realizing what a gross word armpit is, it sounds very gross).  Anyways, my muscles are sore, like work out sore!  I have a feeling while using these crutches I will have super ripped guns, LOOK-OUT, I may have Demi Moore (circa G.I. JANE) arms very soon, which will be perfect for tank top season!  Bonus!
Well, today I went to the doctor and had some ex rays done, and I do not have a broken ankle (PTL, that is Praise the Lord), but I do have a very bad sprain. 
It is as if I do not even have an ankle.  Just a mess!
 Hopefully, over the next few weeks I will be good as new.