Friday, March 30, 2018

My cups runneth over...

Oh, my people!  So many fun pictures from our last minute trip to the Tulsa Zoo this past week, but this one is my favorite!!  Could I be any happier??  My cup runneth over!
I know what y'all are thinking... this is gonna be all about how their zoo trip was the best family day, what fun they had, how happy they are.... welp, not today!  All of those things are true, but note that the title post is "My CUPS runneth over"
If you have read here for any amount of time, you know that I have shared a time or two where I have experienced my less than glamourous undergarment stories!  The latest was when I was asked if I was working undercover because of the underwire was hanging out of my button up shirt!!  Gee-zah Louisa!  Wonder what ever happened to that lil Wal-Mart checker outter?
Anyways, I had another bra-tastic moment!  This past week, while sitting at my desk, I had a terrible stinging pain in my chest.  I knew for sure that I had been bitten by a recluse!  Turns out that it was just the underwire coming out of my bra, stabbing me to death!  Why does this always happen to me... in public places!  Why can it not happen at home, on my couch?  Anyway, after work on Monday, I went out on the great bra hunt.  I never do this, hate to spend money on myself, especially bras!  That is so ridic since it is a necessary thing for a lady (unless you are into free ballin' bubbies"... so not my thing, as I do not want to injure the innocent)!  I am out picking through these bras, I was just going off the sizes that I could kinda read on the old bras in my drawers (there was barely any print left).  I was looking for 38C.  Everyone I tried on was a hot mess express!  Things were tight, coming outta the sides, and the cups were running over!  So, I went and asked the little lady out front to come and measure me.  #SheWasHelpful
I wish I could get her to share with you what she saw.  I looked like a pig being stuffed into a pair a spanx!  Super unattractive!
(If any of the 10s reading are men... so sorry, I'm taken!  Don't want to burst your bubble as I ain't no Victoria Secret model... did my hobble walk give it away?)
So anyways, lady comes in and measures and says that I am an odd size.
#Thanks #RudeMuch
She says I measure at a 34.5, so I should wear a 36??
Then she says my cup size is a D
nope DD
DDD
a fa-reeking E!!
Well, SMH
No wonder my bra game has been crazy lately.  I am shoving things in constantly, then things are running over the sides, my poor ole bubbies could not even breathe!  I am been keeping them under TOO TIGHT of a restraint!
But, really, and E
#EStandsForElephantitus
#OfTheBubbies
I left the store feeling a bit defeated (not deflated, if I was deflated, I might be less than an E).
Have I just let myself go?  If so, why is everything going to my lady bits?  Shouldn't it be distributed a bit more evenly?  I could not even find an E size!  Does this size exist?  Where would one go?  The Big and Busty store?  Is that at the Pinnacle Mall?

Anyways, so my cups (my family cup and bra cup) well, I can honestly say, "they are all running over"

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

My V.I.P. and Salmonella

Today was most exciting, because I was able to spend a lil bitta time with my Sophia at her school.  She has been chosen by her teacher to be the VIP (very important person) in her class this week.  One of the perks was she has lunch visitors through the week and she even asks someone to come and read her favorite book to her class!  So, my afternoon was spent alongside my girl, and I had so much fun.  While reading to the class, I was thinking to myself how I really shoulda been a teacher... but then I think about things like lice and kids throwing up in class and I guess I will just stick with my current job!!
Anyway, the day was good, and I surprisingly did not embarrass Sophia.  She said I did a great job reading and then answering questions from her class.
Wednesday nights around here are busy.  Sophia has dance and Brayden goes to his class where he learns to be a ninja!  This night is a bonus for me, because it also doubles as a dine out night with a girlfriend (I will give her a "fake name" just so all tens of you do not run out try to meet her, befriend her, and try to get her to be your Wednesday night date... she's taken!).  "Nina" and I always hit up the same restaurant, since our time is limited, and we always have our "usual" meal.  #CreaturesOfHabit
Then tonight's meal came out and all I can say is...bye-bye chicken tenders.  There's a few words I never thought would ever be typed out by my lil ole fingers.  I am just gonna be honest, there is a possible reason my children are only fans of 3 main food groups...
1.  The fruit group
2.  The chicken tender group
3.  The catsup group
I did this to them (not on purpose), but because I too am a BIG fan of those top 3 groups!
However, after tonight's Wednesday dinner date, my love affair of the chicken tender is over.  Let me start from the beginning.  So any who, "Nina" and I are laughing, talking, and begin eating.  I am almost through my chicken tender when I look down and see something a lil slimy, clearish, uncookedish looking in my tender innerds!
Y'all, I.... DIED!
I am trying to be calm at the table, but my insides are dry heaving!
#Disgusto-rhama
#GagMeWithASpoon
I could hardly believe I just consumed nearly a whole chicken tender that was uncooked.  Was it even warm, or did I just have so much honey mustard on it, that I thought that was why it was a bit cool.  Ugh, it is still giving me the skee-bees.
So grossed out, I just laid it on the napkin for my waiter to review.  His review was unhelpful... as he just scooped it up and took it away, like it was a empty glass of tea!  Not a big deal at all!  I am not much of a complainer, but I for sure thought that I would not have to pay for the food, seeing as how it was not cooked all of the way, but I did.
Here I am a few hours later, all is peaceful in our house, and I am laying here sharing my inner most thoughts and fears with you just waiting for an ugly bout of food poisoning to strike!  My tummy is grumbling too.  Is it because I have the early stages of salmonella or is it because I ate 1/2 an uncooked tender... and that doth not make a meal!!  Do I go and grab a Girl Scout cookie and call it a night???  Ugh, so many decisions, but if I get sick, I do not then want to have a food aversion to my favorite cookies!
#Decisions #Decisions
It is sad to say, because chicken tenders have been a go-to for me since 1995, but it is o-vah!
I guess it is a fine time for me to give up such foods, I mean what am I... a 6 year old?
I can think of no better time to expand my palate.

So, what did you have for dinner?  Anyone?




Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Oh, random Tuesday...

A few updates on the home front.
1.  So, the whole hoarding issue in the shower, welp, it is currently under control.  After I expressed to the 10s of readers, my problem with keeping bottles of soaps and shampoos that have a use or two left, I decided to just throw them in the trash!  Even though I kinda felt wasteful it felt nice to not have a domino effect of bottles crashing down while I am in the shower (one of them always lands right on my toe and it is just not the best start to the day)!  Now that the shower is clutter free, I should really work on ridding it of the soap scum!  I am a fan of just spraying the Scrubbin' Bubbles and leaving it there for a few hours (because I forget), and never scrub... cause ain't nobody got time for that!  Anyways, little steps, maybe I will do this over the weekend.
Wait, nope, it is Easter, and it is a holiday... not a time that I should be focused on housework.  Maybe next week... yes, next week I shall clean the shower!!

Anyways, with this little change, I was feeling like maybe I was getting ready to make some BIG changes.... like next, I would go and take down the Christmas leftovers.  Welp, I decided to forgo the finalization of Christmas clean up, and instead sat around and did nothing.

2.  This past weekend, we decided to take a quick trip over to Tulsa and go to the zoo.  We figured since their spring break getaway kinda fell through, that it would be a fun way to wrap up the week.  I will share more about the trip tomorrow, we have so many cute pictures!  In fact, my sister and I were taking a looksey at some of the snaps that I took, and we came across this one...
I died laughing, because it looks like two giraffes in a super sexy position and my child is just a gazin'.
I.... DIE!
When you look a bit closer, one of the giraffes is just sitting down, and I just happened to capture a moment that looked like it coulda been almost National Geographic-esque!  It has been a few days, and I still think it is funny, something must be wrong with me.

Okay 10s of readers, numero 3 has to do with a word that rhymes with fenestration, so if things that rhyme with the "not real word" of weriods makes you a bit uncomfortable... I would check back with me tomorrow, I may be bloggin' about something a bit more appropes.

3.  In other news, while walking okay, hobblin' around the 100 mile zoo, I started my period.  Really, are you fa-reeking kidding me?  The one time that I decide to not travel with a back up pair of panties, this happens!  SMH
As I am sitting in a hot zoo bathroom, checking out the murder scene down under... trying to figure out how to make light of the situation, I only then realized why all of the carnivorous animals were smooshed up against the windows at their animal displays!  Here I was just thinking that my children were like animal whispers... you know the real life versions of Eliza Thornberry, and all of the tigers, hyenas, bears, and painted dogs were really just detecting that the animal whispers' mother was a barely walking wounded animal!  What a day!  Sheesh.

4.  We left the zoo by 2:30 that day, and were home by 5.  It was just a quick little day trip and everyone had a great time... even ole "bloody mary".  The man friend and children were taken home and off I went with my sister to take her home.  On my way back, I needed to stop at the store for dinner... turns out, my family cannot survive on a few stale Cheetos and string cheese (they have stomachs like their daddy and need nourishment)!  Man friend asked that I please pick him up a sixer (my words, not his, he would never say sixer).. and I ain't talking of Pepsi.  Anyways, I get my few groceries and sixer to the counter, and start handing over my drivers license to the check out girl, and she looked at me and said, "oh... I can tell you are way over 21."
She said it in a tone that I did not like, kinda like Regina George from Mean Girls would say it.
It was a bit snarky
Now, I know that I am of age, but hey "preteen" check my i.d..
I fished it out of my purse, which took me about 10 minutes in the car, so I was gonna hand it over.
So, I ignore her lil jab, and insist that she take it.
Handing it over the keyboard, very much in her bubble, I say, "are you sure, I thought you have to type it in"?
She then commented, that she could just tell I was old...er, then smiled (see image above).
Listen.  I know I graduated in the 90s, I know that most of my music on my IPhone is in the Anita Baker/ Michael Bolton (or Jackson)/ Steely Dan realm, I had been at the zoo all day, and I was purchasing a tube of Icy Hot... but, y'all, I can hang.  I am so young, like look at me over here, I am blogging at 11:23 at night, it is so late, old people don't stay up late!

Who am I kidding?  I am old and should prob be looking into Botox options.

5.  My Sophia is the VIP for her class at school this week.  This means that all things are about her!  Today, her daddy took her lunch (she felt like a big deal having him there)!  Tomorrow, I will take her lunch and then I get to come and read one of her favorite stories to her class.  I love to read a good story, and will normally put on a show with all of the different characters (ya know, reading in their voices).  Sophia has let me know that is not necessary, and I should do my best to NOT embarrass her!  She was supposed to pick out a book for me to read, and so I would not be tempted to act out the story or change my voice to fit a character, she chose a book about Boxers... the breed of dog Boxer.  Ya know, how much they weigh, how they are as puppies, their temperament... how on earth will I control my excitement reading about Boxers??  Boooooo!!  #WellPlayedSophia #WellPlayed

6.  A few days ago, I was over the moon to be invited to hangout with two of my girlfriends.  We were roommates when I was in college, and there were oh so many memories!  We had dinner, talked about life now, and life in the waaaaaaay back!  Ugh, it just seems like so long ago!  Being with those girls was just so good for my soul.  Sometimes a momma just needs to step out of the house and not be a momma, just be with friends.
Does anyone else ever feel like that?
For a few months, I have just been feeling out of touch with friends.  I see a lot of my friends getting together and doing stuff, but for some reason I am not on anyone's speed dial to call and hang with (are the kids these days still saying "hang with")?  If I do get invited, I normally do not go, because I feel bad taking time away from the man friend and the kids (I feel guilty).  Anyways, a few weeks ago, I was just on the struggle bus and knew if I could take a time out and sit with anotha mutha, that I would be feeling better about things.  Welp, it worked.  A few hours out of the house filled me up.  Then, here I was the next week, meeting up with my college roommates... and I just felt refreshed!
I think I am onto something... time for momma!
If I could just get a large group of friends in one place at a time, that would be great!  #FriendOutReachProgram  (I am looking for volunteers!)

Alright, it is nearly midnight, and it is time to call it a night.


Saturday, March 24, 2018

It was only Wednesday...

First, I shall start this post with a thank you to my parents and sister who graciously offered to take the littles on a mini vacation this week!  Ya see, we have been on spring break, and the kids have been spending their days at their Honey and G's house, while the man friend and I are at work.  They have been loving their extra time with their grands and Kitty... movie watching, lunchin', and visiting.  The excitement grew through the week when it was announced that they were going to go to Tulsa for a mini vacay.... a overnight hotel stay, swimming in the pool, and then a day trip to the zoo!  The kids have talked about it all week and checked the website a bazillion times to review the order in which they would visit the zoo animals!
Man friend and I were a lil bit sad, but the sadness quickly left us after we thought.... hey, we are going to be kid free and this kinda has not happened since, oh, I don't know.... 2009!  So, go on and take um to Tulsa!!  (Just kidding... we love them, but loved the thought of being kid free for almost 24 hours)!  Hooray for family who will take on your little people!
Wednesday came, their overnight bags were packed, and I dropped them off early that morning so I could be at work.  The morning was good, and the kids were so sweet to remind me that they would be back soon and that their grandparents were responsible (ha... yes, those are their words)!  My parents and sister loaded them up in the car for the near 2 hour drive to Tulsa around 4 that afternoon (I wonder how many times Sophia and Brayden asked... "is it time to go yet?"  I am sure at least 10 times... before 9 a.m..
At 430, I walked into a super quiet house.  The man friend was already home (watching the sports channel.... so fascinating (insert smirky emoji face).  He was not even showered and date ready... so I instantly got sad thinking how I too would be sitting on the couch watching March Madness talk (BORING!!!)  Then he jumped up, greeted me with a smile, and commented that we were going on a date!!
#Awe #HeDoesLoveMe
He got all cleaned up and no joke, we left the house at 5- why ever we were heading out for the early bird special... I got no clue!  We went back and forth with the whole....
no you choose where we eat...
no you...
it does not matter to me....
you choose....
no, you.....
I don't care....
All the time, I am just driving through the downtown area.  I had wanted to try out a lil Mexican place, and I was so glad that we did.  After dinner... since it was not even 6, we drove around and looked at the landscaping of homes in the area and listened to the baseball game.
I know what y'all are thinking.... this is soundin' like a hot date....
I know.
It only gets hotter...
we get home, I go and change into my best sweats (the pair with minimal paint stains and only one tear in the back ankle area... I know, hot momma)!  I came out to my husband in a house that was kid free and he was asleep on the couch!
I.... DIE!
#ILoveHimSOOOOOO
I did not even wake him, I just let him sleep!
I turned on a CNN documentary about the Kennedy family, American Dynasties: The Kennedys, snuggled up in a blanket, and played a game on my phone!!  I had received a text from my mother, saying they had arrived, and she had snapped a quick pic of them at The Cheesecake Factory!  The kids were in heaven!
Close to 930, we finally went to bed and a few minutes later man friends cell phone was ringing....
yes, almost 10 at night!  No one calls us that late.... ever!
I had not seen my guy move that quickly... he jumped up and showed me that it was mom!
Immediately, I am thinking that something was wrong!
Momma calmly explained that there had been a little accident at the pool with Sophia.... she was swimming a little too close to the bottom and well, she 
chipped a tooth....
then the story changed to she chipped her teeth....
ummmmmmmmmmmm...... her teeth are adult teeth!
I tried to keep it together and not go nutzo, I just needed to be with her to assess the situation... how would that happen?  She was in another state and it was 10??
FaceTime!
Once I saw her lil face on the phone, and the teeth (oh, the teeth), my heart just sank to my tummy!!  My poor baby.  She was crying.
Was she in pain?
Was she bleeding?
Was she needing me?
No, she was crying because they might have to go home and NOT be able to go to the zoo the next morning!
(what can I say, the girl really loves the zoo!)
After a few minutes discussion, we all agreed that it was best if they just headed home... right then!  I know, they had only been there about 6 hours, and only at the hotel about 40 minutes, but my daddy drove them all home!  I immediately started contacting our pediatric dentist (after hour number) and then pleading on FB for any tooth knowledge from any dental friends!  Turns out I have a few, and one of them was still up at 11 and talked me off the edge of a nervous breakdown.  Thank you Jill... you eased all of my crazy thoughts and reassured me it would be okay.
It took a while for them to make the drive home, and by 1 in the morning, they were texting me saying they were in the driveway.  I could not rest until these children were in the house with me!  Turns out, when they did get home to me... I just stayed up until it was time to take my girl to the dentist (we left at 640 that morning).  It was a long night for sure, and I was just so sad that this little accident had occurred and that the vacation was a flop.
We got to the dentist that morning, right as they were unlocking the doors, and the dentist and the staff immediately saw Sophia first and all other patients just were left to wait (until later that morning).  So very thankful for Dr. Rhodes in Rogers... seriously, he was amazing!  He did not rush, was just very kind and patient.  Honey was there to meet us and anxiously sat in the waiting room!  The man friend and Bray got there and hung out.  Sophia had quite the fan club out front!
I mean... to me, the chip was really the size of Texas!  Geez-ah, Louise-ah!
When we go BIG.... I mean, we go BIG!  Not one tooth, but two.  Not a baby tooth, but adult teeth.  Not a silly old tooth on the side, but the front teeth on the INSIDE!!
I must say, that when he was finished fixin' her up... there was one extremely excited little girl!
We are having to be extra careful when eating now, not biting with our front teeth.  We def do not want the filler stuff to break off!  In a month we will go back to the dentist for more ex-rays to make sure that the teeth are still healthy.  So, please say a prayer that all will be okay!!
Who knew havin' children would be this hard?
#ItTakesAVillageFriends
#AndGrandparents #AndAuntKitty #AndDrRhodes




Tuesday, March 20, 2018

A Labradoodles Doodie...

Ever have one of those days where you wonder if you are being secretly videoed my John Quinones?  Y'all do remember John Quinones... don't you?
He was the guy that could possibly jump out on you and ask you why you would not stop a mean nasty person from doing something completely despicable.  I loved the show, and felt I would always be the person that would stand up for the person that was getting the shaft.  #WWYD
Anyways, today, my John Quinones moment...
If you have been reading here for a long time... you may remember that I once shared a story about crazy cat lady around the corner.  Yes, I am talking about a neighbor in our hood (pretty sure she doesn't read this blog, because she is not super friendly and honestly, I just don't see her as a girl that would really get me... ya know.)   If I were out, and I saw her, I would not think.... hummmmmm, I think that we would totally connect.  #Nope #NotHappening  I will go ahead and change the names of all parties involved... .just in case!
Anyways, back in the day, when I was still pg with Sophia.  The man friend and I were out walking our sweet show dog Chip.  We are walking by this neighborhood house, and the people came out of their garage...
I could instantly could read man friends thoughts....
o my gohhhhh- I don't wanna talk
please be walking out to get your mail
we do not wanna be a parta your friend out reach program....
I was feeling it too, and I probably needed to pee.  #IAmNottaFanOfStrangers
Anyways..
these people are the male/ female version of Ned Flanders from The Simpsons...
Yes, Ned Flanders.
So, the "Flanders" come out to meet the Foresees.
We are all... nice weather
They are all... how far along are you
I am all... I love your landscaping (really, I was reaching, landscaping, sheeze)
Then out walks their demon cat.
Sweet show dog sees demon sit down behind them, and his tail is a wagging
Then demon cat lunges out at our sweet boy dog and attacks his face and bloodied his lil chip nose!
I was horrified!
All the "Flanders" did was oh... he never does that!
I was already thinking you and your crazy cat better just stay on your side of the block!
#LikeFoRealz
Anyway, years go by, I have 2 children and still the show dog (kinda a joke, because "show dog" often looks grey even though he is white... so he is sooooo not a show dog)!  #GoAheadAlertAnimalRightsPeople #TrustMeHeIsLovedBIG
So, me and my brood are walking the dog, and it turns out the "Flanders" not only have demon cat, but also a questionable son.  He was holding a sweet bunny, and asked my littles if they want to see it.  Of course, before I could hold them away from a stranger, they darted to the bunny holding lil Flander.  After a moment, they walked back to the dog and I and we continue our walk.  The kids barely had their heads turned from him, and the kid/ teen kinda drops the bunny to demon cat... like a lil sacrifice.  The kids saw the cat kinda bouncing the bunny back and forth in his paws, and immediately started crying.
Once again.... these people and their nutjob cat better keep their distance.
It has been years since this last incident.  If I see these people out, I just act like I am on the phone, and if I am not holding a phone, I just start talking like I was holding a phone.  Maybe they think I am a nut job and wanna keep their distance.... #AGirlCanOnlyDream
So, picture it.  Everyday I come home, I walk our furry friends.  Sometimes it is just down the street, sometimes it is around the block.  Remember, I am still a bit hobbly and it is still a struggle getting around the block with the dogs.... they kinda drag me about.
Well, today, I decide to go that extra bit and walk them around the block.  It was cool and windy with a bit of a sprinkle, and these dogs are not the best leash walkers, but whatev, they were so happy.  We are approaching the "Flanders" house and the dogs leashes are fully extended and I am just trying to catch up to them. They both stop right in front of the Flanders house and are smelling something...like noses in the grass smelling somethings!  Guess who pulls up... you gots it... Nedina Flanders!
She sees me and how I am almost to the dogs, I then realize they are smellin poo!  I jerked their leashes back to get them back from it, because... ewwwe, gross.
She gets out of her car, and I just smile and then look forward.
She says, "are you going to pick that up"?
First of all... I did not like her snippy tone, I mean did she just suck helium from 10 balloons?
The dogs are already ahead of me, and I am still kinda walking and I say, "that's not my poop".
This is where I would insert a smiley emoji or the one of the girl with her hands up in the air.
Ole Helium looks at me, with this face... a yeah right face!
She then says, "so... you're not going to pick that up?"
Now, I am concerned that she has had a stroke and just does not understand the words coming out of my mouth!
Once again, a bit louder.... that ain't my poop (it was direct, no smile).  I have even embarrassed myself, as I do not like poo or discussing things and their bodily functions, but I have just yelled across a driveway "that ain't my poop"!
She then says, well, I will just go and get a bag for it to be cleaned up, did you just not bring a bag with you?
At this point, I am looking around... where is John Quinones?
This woman brings me a Harps bag, to clean up this $h!%.
I could feel my face getting hot...
Needless to say, I picked up the poop (which obvi woulda never come outta my teeny sized dogs).  It was def a Labradoodles doodie!
She just walked away as I picked it up.
I mean, should I have just run down the road?
I am not fast, nor do I run!  She woulda caught me and unleashed demon cat!
As I took the walka shame from the Flanders house holding someone else's crap, I was trying to keep my thoughts sweet... but y'all?!  What in the world?
She bullied me to pick up someone else's poo!
Had I not thrown it away, I would go right now in my robe and slippers and put it right on her doorstep!
#NotReally
I am sure there is a lesson to be learned with this... but I am just not sure what it is.

So... what would you have done?  Keep on walkin' or shovel up some one else's mess?



Monday, March 19, 2018

I don't know how she does it...

Welp, it is spring break for me and my people.  The kids are going to enjoy their free time with their grandparents and Aunt Kitty, and I will be spending my days at work.  That is right... all of those months I spent at home really ate up any of my future vacay time! If I had the time off, there would be a few things that I would focus on here at la casa de Foresee...
1.  I would finish taking down our Christmas decorations...yes, y'all!  I still have some d├ęcor up in my house!  I would be embarrassed about it, but honestly I really do not care that much!  Maybe I will just keep it up and I will have a super early head start on next year!  The kids and I did start decorating my Easter egg tree, and I did find it a bit strange to have a basket on top of a hutch filled with red berries and pine, then to look over at the kitchen entrance and see a mistletoe ball hanging, and then there are the Christmas ornaments hanging from the ceiling over Sophia's bed!!  I know!  All 10 of you reading are so good and have your stuff put up in labeled organized boxes..... can you come to my house and help me?
Just kidding!  I have a deadline of Saturday (just not sure which Saturday of the next few months)!!  (insert winky emoji face)

2.  Ever since the whole snake taking up residence in my bathroom thing, I have slacked BIG time on laundry!  With good reason.... I am afraid that there could be a friend of his under the clothes!  So, I just let them pile up!  Saturday came and went, and honestly, I was down to having to wear the underwear that just don't fit (but I keep anyways)!  Let me just say, they are not fitting because I have become a size 0 in the past few weeks (ya dig?)  They are like pre-baby panties, some a bit like floss.... and friends.... I just can't!  If I put them on, they just might not come back!!  Thus the reason why I had to just break down and do the laundry.

3.  If numero 2 did not scare the 10 of you off, then I believe that we could have the most true friendship... seriously, we should meet this week for chips and dip and a big ole sweet tea!  Anyways, you could help me write out a grocery list!  We be slim pickins in this place!  In fact, my breakfast.... a Girl Scout cookie , that was a lie... I had about 6 Girl Scout cookies!  The kids saw me eat one and they asked for one.... hello, I had to tell them no, because it was not even 730, and children cannot eat Samoas before lunch!
* They really could have if I did not eat the last 6!  I am the worst!

4.  This weekend I am going to clean out my shower and throw away the 7 empty shampoo bottles!  Why, oh why, do I hang onto these things?  I am a hoarder!  I am so embarrassed to admit this, but I will also clean up the 6 dead lady bug bodies that are in our Jacuzzi tub!  I... KNOW!  I am a skank!  I am always telling man friend, I will get to that in my free time!  This makes him bat crap crazy!  I just need to take one for the team and throw the bottles and bodies in the garbage!  It is okay to let things go!
*  Please note, even if the tub was carcass free, we would still not be taking a bath!

Now, I feel like y'all are judging me or at least feeling better about your own sitch!  #YoureWelcome #HappyToHelp

5.  We are going to the beach in a few months, and the other night (as I was getting undressed to take a shower... I know, super amaze-bod visual you are getting), but I looked in the mirror and thought 3 things......
1.  I really have nice shoulders.  (Wha... I try to focus on the positive)
2.   Then I said a quick thank you to the person that came up with the whole bra thing... it is nice that others don't see that one of my bubbies is a bit bigger and longer (yaaas, longer y'all, like it is stretchy) than the other!  I know, once again, visual!  Just keepin it realz.
3.  Lastly, I thought, I really need to get a new swimsuit.  I have had the same ones for well, since Sophia was born (she is 8)!  I know, pitiful!  One girlfriend told me Nordstrom Rack is the place to go, but where else is good place to check them out?
* Please note, I only want teeny tiny bikins!
#ThatALie
#NevaGonnaHappen
@AintNoOneGotTimeForThat

Well, hopefully we are all still friends here, and you will not be so judgey when ya see me out and about the town!

Sunday, March 4, 2018

I Can't Sleep....

Ever since my encounter.... with the possible anaconda, I have been sitting in the living room with my knees pulled up to my bubbies.  I just cannot go back into my bathroom, like ever.  I have been Zillow searching since 830 (as if anyone in the Btown is anxious to move into the snake pit in which we inhabit)!  Ugh... of all of the things to show up.
Oh... are we not friends on the Facebook?  Okay, let me set this up for the 10s of you reading tonight!
I am just gonna lay it out there for ya... it has been a nice day in the house of Foresee.  We took my Moss (that means grandmother in the land of Curry... my people) to church.  It was a nice sermon, we had communion, man friend stole the juice cup (only because he did not know what to do with it... yes, frans... he got a souvie at the Methodist Church.... I am so obsessed with him because he is funny)!  Seriously though, he whipped it out of his pocket at the Harps like, what am I supposed to do with this.  I just stood there in the chip aisle with a judgey face... you just stole from the church (picture that being said in a kinda higher pitch voice and me all bug eyed)!  He was so upset after I told him he was supposed to put it on the back of the pew (where you find the pencil, hymnal, and extra offering envelope)... poor kid, he was so concerned about the kids trying to pass the plate of bread and juice that he just drank and pocketed his lil glass.
Anyways, so we pick up a few necessary items to make a sandwich... you know, the bread, lettuce, turkey, a tomatoe, Cheetos, get home and start to make the sandwiches but we forgot the fa-reeking bread!  Slap-my-head!  That was the whole point of the store stop, because the bread we have expired last week, but we still keep it on the counter... why, I am not sure, but we do!  Well, I ate my sandwich on the expired bread, even almost finished it until my bite had a bit of green on it (great- I ate mold).  Ah-mazing! (Insert smirking emoji face)
Well, the day was getting ready to improve, because we started delivering some of the 201 boxes of Girl Scout cookies all over town!  If you are reading this and we owe you cookies, please do not worry, we will be contacting you soon... very soon!  After nearly 2 hours of driving, cookie sortin' in the car, and delivery we decided it was best to go home.  We were getting a little restless, the kids started complaining about thirst and hunger (don't worry, I let them drink from man friends water bottle... I am sure they will all have the strep throat by the week end), and honestly I just could not make any more change from my coin purse!  People are not fans of checks anymore and all they have are $20s and $50s!  I felt so bad, I actually handed a lady 2 dollars in dimes and nickles that I scraped from the bottom of my purse (2 of them as I was counting them out had a strange sticky gummy substance with a hair attached.... I dry heaved a bit (in my head) and she just took the 20 cents!  Ha!
Back to the day, we get home, it is dinner, so I am rushing around trying to fix food, wash clothes, and clean up pee (the pupply likes to be walked but really only likes to pee in front of my laundry room... ick)!  So, I am in a rush, trying to make some amazing meals, stepped in pee (and I normally always wear shoes... fear of the dreaded pee step) but today I was in socks... and I hate wet socks!  Of course, I took it out on man friend!  I know, I know, he did not do anything!  I am just a crazy person!  He was even doing his best to distract the kids with playing basketball!  Ugh, if I could just go back in time and make the 5 o'clock hour a happier time, I would!  Tomorrow will be better!
So, we eat, we are watching tv- I am completely enthralled with this Billy Graham special, and I am having a come to Jesus moment, because the man is just powerful with his speaking... and it is a commercial break and I walk into my bedroom (to see my children and man friend completely relaxed), I put on my sweatpants and begin walking to the bathroom.... and I notice a brown shoestring on the bathroom floor.  Hummmmm, that is a strange shoestring that is brown and not even in a shoe.  Huuuuuummmmmm, maybe it is not a string but a long piece of brown grass.  (These are the thoughts I am thinking to myself).
Well.... since it is obvi a shoestring or a oddly placed piece of grass, I take a step closer to the door, and the fa-reeking shoestring picks up his head and looks at me and smiles!!!
I... DIE!
I know what you are thinking... that is an incredibly good picture of the shoestring/ snake.  You should be a animal photographer.... well friends, I just got this off the internets, but this is what the snake looks like in my memory!
It was the size of an anaconda/ pixie stix and it had yellow demon eyes... they glowed like yellow demon eyes.  I think you get the picture.
So, I take a step back and y'all know I peed my pants... because this girl cannot move quick or see a snake without the loss of bladder control... 
I yell like a crazy person.... it's a snake... it's a snake!  I am even jumping a bit, which is something I have been unable to do for months (since my time on Broke Leg Mountain), and I am def feeling the pain as I sit scrunched up in this chair... going on 3.5 hours.... ugh I so need to pee)!
The snake even looked at me and waved... like a jerky snake that has been lounging about my house all day!  #SoundsCrazy #SinceSnakesDontHaveArms #ButThisOneWasDifferent #ItWavedAndSmirked
The kids and the man friend jump up... because well, I yelled snake.  The man gets closer... that's right he and the snake were eye to eye... I am pushing the kids back because hello, the reach of an anaconda is like a lot... oh, yeah, and I am holding the dog back (since he is prone to panic attacks and I just could not get him all upset too)!
My guy, my BIG brave guy, steps back thinking what on earth will I do to protect my family (these were probably not his thoughts, these are the thoughts that I am thinking that he would be thinking... 9 times out of 10 I have no idea what he is thinking, but I bet that is it).  Well, Big Brave (this would be his Indian name... for sure) steps back and picks up......wait for it..... a white t-shirt.
A white t-shirt?
I know what you are thinking.....
Is he going to wave the white shirt like it is a flag saying we give up.. we surrender?
Is he getting dressed to leave?
Is he going to now start putting away laundry??
I...Don't... Know....
Then, he grabs his tenny pump (aka tennis shoe, but if you grew up with my mother or her mother, you might call a tennis shoe a tenny pump... I digress).
Next thing I know, he throws the shirt over the snake.
Then he just starts trying to smush the thing.
Okay, all you animal lovers that are gonna start un-friending me or leaving mean comments on the blog... welp, g'on ahead and do that, we will see what you do when you are staring down the eyeballs of an anaconda in your bathroom.
Anyways, my hero, killed the beast.
I had already saved the children and dogs, pushed us all in the living room, and decided I hadn't heard the slamming of a shoe in a few.  I opened the door and saw the snake still a squiggling... ugh, it still gives me chills.
My hero pushes past me (not in an aggressive way where I would ever call the 5-0, just in a way where he was getting stuff done and I was in his path.  He comes around the corner with a roll of Bounty paper towels.
Yes, y'all, the thicker-quicker-picker upper!
He picked up that snake like it was a piece of poop y'all!
he is not gonna like that I posted this picture... but honey, it is okay, only like 10 people will even see it

I have never seen anything like it before in my whole entire life.
So.... there ya have it.  This is my Sunday, and I just cannot wait to see what Monday brings.  If it brings another anaconda..... me and the fam are moving to my parents!