Thursday, May 26, 2011

Terror a la toilette

Picture is the afternoon hour, my main man and protector is at work, the children are taking a nap (at the same time, PTL), and I have a few quiet moments to myself. There are many things that a mother could be doing at this time

take a shower (nah- no where to go)

read a book

laundry (nah- too much and it smells like wet dog)

clean kitchen (no way could wake up the sleeping children)

I could rest (why ever would I do that, I get so much rest as it is...HA)

So, I decided to read a book. I settled into the ever so comfy green rocker, and began to rock and read and then sip on my orange soda (ummm orange soda). Before I knew it, I was halfway through the book of Romans and on my second glass of orange soda (I say once again- umm orange soda) and I made a choice to use the restroom (normally I would hold it, but since having children I am no longer able to do so- Do your keegles! I did not- I hate to exercise! TMI, I know, but for women who want to be mammas in the future it is just something that women do not talk about- ya can't always hold it after babies!) Back to the story. Yes, I had to go to the bathroom, and it was a choice that would have the most unpredictable outcome, and that will forever change my future bathroom experiences.

I must stop any of you from reading if you have issues with the following things....

stories that involve another person going to the bathroom (what? some people are uneasy about bodily functions!)

    if you have a fear of things that creep and crawl

If you must stop reading...have a wonderful day! Love yal! Caryn

If you can continue the on!

So, I walk into the guest bathroom of our house. It is not used so often as I do not like to clean more bathrooms than necessary and well the door does not lock that well. The only people that use it are company. I turn on the light (PTL, I did that). I look at myself in the mirror and smile at myself (love the look of slightly colored orange teeth) and then I give my best blue steel pose....

Embarrassing (I know)

Then I pull down my skimmys and begin to pee (then I look at the dust that has collected on the shelf in front of me (cleaning lady is so fired!)... then I feel a little bit of a tickle tickle crawly crawly thing on my leg.......

YIKES! I know.... a spider. It was a cross between a tarantula/ brown recluse/ black widow/ non poisonous house spider the size of a healthy jellybean. Terror!! It was waiting for me (its prey)! It had been resting ever so nicely on the side of the la toilette (heck, maybe it was under the seat) I have no idea (but it was not welcome for front row seats of my restroom escapade... shivers!

Whatever could I do, but SCREAM SILENTLY! Remember those children were napping- I DID NOT want to wake them! It woulda been not only terror a la toilette but terror a la naptime! I could not jump up and do my there is a spider on my leg terror dance (I woulda gotten the pee on the floor (that woulda just been something else to clean up!!) So, I swatted the beastly spider off of my leg and that swat would be the end of his days.

RIP spider

Needless to say... I need an exterminator in this crib PRONTO.

What have we learned from this experience friends.....

search before you sit
and SEARCH before you SIT!!

I hope that you all have a wonderful day! Love your faces!!


1 comment:

Cory said...

HILARIOUS!!!! Have I mentioned I love your blog!!! Keeps me smiling, keeps me laughing, oops I may have just pee'd my pants a little. LOL!!!