Thursday, April 19, 2018

Howdy.... Mr. Gooberstein!

Y'all, after yesterday, I was really needing Thursday to be a little less flashy (if ya know what I mean)!  I just wanted to wake up (on time and have time to shave my legs... that is never gonna happen), the kids listen to my every command (ha, I anxiously await for this day... maybe when they are older), I would prepare a big ole country breakfast (ha... what am I Cracker Barrel?), we get to school on time (that would be a first for the week), my work day is easy (actually, the day at work was good), I would come home and prepare a healthy dinner (tonight was courtesy of the Chick-fila), we all get a hot shower (I am too sleepy for that... but the kids are clean), and the maid put fresh sheets on the bed (our maid kinda sucks... because I am the maid).  A girl can wish... right?
Anyways, to avoid another moment where I show off my ole bitty to the 2nd Street masses, I decided to wear my best pair of Spank (they are not flattering but if an onlooker caught a viewing they would think I looked very slimmed down) and I paired them with a long skirt (the wind would def have a hard time blowing that thing up).  I felt very secure on my walk in the building this morning, and I did not even acknowledge the traffic sitters... for fear that they may be returners from Wednesday's viewing hoping for an encore performance....
#NotTodayPeople #NotToday
My day was busy, and a bonus was picking up the kids from childcare.  The manfriend is on call, and that means that I play single momma for the evening... until he drives his truck back to his work in the morning.  After work, we paid a visit to Honey and G's house... my momma is having a bit of a dental procedure in the morning, and we wanted to wish her and her teeth well.  After our lil chit chat, we picked up some dinner and headed on home.  Lemme just let y'all now, when you roll in my car, the heat is probably on!  My people are aware of this and they are constantly telling me they are sweating or are going to be sick.  This usually ends with me not turning off the heat (I know, I am the worst) and I just tell them to roll down the window.  Welp, the kids both had their window down on our drive home.  As we are pulling into our neighborhood, I make a quick turn onto our street.  As we approach the house, I can already see my next door neighbor closing up his mailbox.
This is kinda where our story takes off...
Our next door neighbor.
He and his wife are just a delight.
Literally, de-light-ful.
I picture an evening with him to be filled with encyclopedia reading, wine sniffing, and discussing the present danger of our economic well being because of the creation of the Bitcoin.
(I wish there was an emoiji of a Steve Urkeley type guy pushing his glasses up his nose and snorting... it should also make the snorting sound.  This shall be a new emoji, with sound... is that a thing yet?)
Anyway, the neighbor.  He is actually a nice guy.  He waves when we see him and even talks to the kids when they speed by him on their bikes.
He seems to like the kids, but I do not think that he is a fan of mine.
Ya see, on this blog, I love to keep it reals with the tens of you reading.  However, with that being said, I have never blogged about a lil story from a 4th of July party a few years ago (because I am embarrassed and knew for sure that I would lose a friend or my driving privileges).
Picture it.  It is the 4th, and we have invited all of our family and friends over.  We were having such a fun time and the night was winding down with some fireworks in the driveway.  I am just keeping it real when I say that I had a few drinks (they were not of the dainty size, but they were also not of the man size either).  Everyone was safe, and honestly, I have not really had that much to drink since.  So, the fireworks are happening, and everyone is watching.... but my concern is the manfriend's truck.  It was close to the driveway and I just pictured a bottle rocket being shot at it, (we did not even have any bottle rockets, so why this is a concern... I have no idea) and then pictured the truck blowing up (it is so dumb the thoughts that I have when I have a drink... this is why I am not really a drinker).  I take it upon myself to back the truck up away from the house... just down the sidewalk a skoatch (rhymes with roach with a sk on the front).  I am in reverse, looking in my mirror, reversing, looking, watching the family and friends watch me and KA-BLUE-EEE!  I ran over the neighbors mailbox!
Hastag.... I.... DIE!
Everyone just stood there holding their sparklers... staring.
I just sat there with the truck sitting on the mailbox.
It was ridic.
Man friend just stood there with his head down just shaking his head in disbelief.
Then Brayden, "mommy, you ran over that mailbox"!
(As if I did not know, but why is he yelling it so loud.... a bit reminiscent  of Dennis the Menace yelling for Mr. Wilson)
There was laughter and my face was so red.  In fact I immediately started sweating!
I moved the truck forward, figuring that was good enough, and turned it off.  At that moment, I evaluated the damage and actually thought..... ehhhh, maybe they won't even notice.
They did not come home that night.
I waited up for them, afraid they would come home and call the police and then I would be arrested and placed in Benton County jail.  Ugh, I would not do well there.  I know I look Cross-Fitterish.... but really I am like whomp-whomp!
Anyways, they get home in the morning, and I could just see the neighbor outside trying to stand up the crushed mailbox (geez, even I did not try to do that.... did he think that would work).  I went out... in my robe (not because I was trying to come onto him, just because that is what I was wearing, and let's be real.... my robe is of the terrycloth nature, old, and aqua, and had spilled tea on the front.  I am sure at no time during our convo was he looking at me thinking this chick is so into me... #JustSaying)
I explained the sitch to him.  He stared at me with much disapproval in his eye.  I was ashamed and wanted him to call the cops just to get me out of the conversation.  I told him that I would order him a new mailbox and would have it installed... which I did (within 4-5 business days).
Let's just say, he has never really spoken to us since.  He is always looking at me like I am possibly still under the influence doing hit and runs on mailboxes in the neighborhood.  In fact, he and the Flanders from around the corner probably get together and exchange cat stories.  #SoundsThrilling
To this day, I always smile and wave at him.
All that to lead me up to this evening...
The kids and I are in the car, driving towards the house when I see the neighbor at his super fancy mailbox, purchased by yours truly...
I say in the car (in the privacy of my own car).... "oh kids, there is Mr. Gooberstein!"
I am just being silly.
Obvi his name is not "Gooberstein"
My children, who take me at my word, without a second thought, yell out the window.....
It is so loud and so clear and they are just a smiling and a waving!!
I am pulling in the driveway, internally dying.  Saying his name is not gooberstein... trying to roll up the windows, and he just stops and stares at us!
It is time all tens of you know.... I say silly things.  I like to try to be funny (sometimes it works other times it is not a success).  I am a nice girl... loving, caring, a nurturer for sure.  Today... I name called someone and my littles actually listened to me (seriously.... like when do they ever do that??)
I did not get onto them, because this was completely my fault.
Then to make matters worse,  the kids were concerned that I am name calling  people and made them name call!
For sure.... he hates me.
We called the neighbor a goober-stein... the "Frankenstein of Goobers"?
How does this even happen?
This is prob why I do not have lotza friends.
I wonder if Mr. Gooberstein likes pie??

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

The day I died on Northwest 2nd Street...

I know it has been a week or so since my last post... honestly, we have been in full swing of little people sports (baseball for him, soccer for her, ninja class for him, soccer for him, dance for her, and then there is running club and scouts for each)!  When we get home, showered, fed, and clean up the house  that was a lie... that ain't happening, I normally just crawl into the bed and watch t.v. (did I mention that half of the time this happens the kids are still up... I am such a slacker momma (go ahead and judge away))!  So, the late nights when I like to blog, are spent binge watching When Calls the Heart (I am dying over this show... it is kinda Little House on the Prairie meets Aunt Becky from Full House, I am obsessed).  Anyways, so much to chat about... just so lil time to do so (ya catch what I'm saying?)
Anyways, today.  Today, I died.  Literally.  Right on 2nd Street, right off of the main square.  Go ahead, drive on by, you may still see the chalk outline of my body and Chick-fila drink (size LARGE).
Lemme tell ya bout 2nd Street at 7:40 in the morning.  It is busy friends.  So busy, that buses are pulling out of our parking (PTL no children are on the buses, parents are lined up waiting in the traffic because let's be honest a 4 way stop in this town is S-L-O-W!  I mean really, what is so confusing to the people at this 4 way??  SMH  Then there are all of the people who are not those school moms and dads who have just been in the dreaded drop off line at school... then there are the people just trying to go to work annoyed to slow down in the school zones (yeah... I see you Range Rover guy, young lady on your cell phone (hello, you are in a school zone), and then there is always the "clown" truck fulla men trying to get to the next yard to mow... you are annoyed with your long wait)!  So, erry day, I walk into our office in full view of all of these people, completely stopped.  I am normally watching the ground in front of me, because if I fell, I just might not make it back up (with the whole gimpy leg thing).  Today is a different kinda day.  I am walking, but am holding my purse (which is the size of Texas, filled with all of the essentials... snacks for kids (old orange and half eaten bag of Goldfish), receipts from January (it is April), a sketch book (like I sketch), markers for kids to use at church (it is Wednesday), empty Advil bottles (I am a junkie), deodorant (because you just never know), and then my wallet (which doubles as a small purse holding maxed out credit cards and NO CASH... who has cash?).  Anyway, my bag weighs as much as a toddler, and I am also carrying a crock pot.  I have two to bring in, but remember I only have two arms and one good leg, and did I mention the toddler purse??  Anyways, I am walking, watching the sidewalk, feeling the cool breeze, glancing over at the traffic sitters (they are even watching because, hello, I am a hobbler and I am holding all of the stuff.... they are praying for entertainment!  Did I mention that breeze is blowing my hair to and fro (not in an attractive wind blowing hair moment where I am modeling for Victoria's Secret), my hair is lit-terally blowing to an afro!  I am looking super attractive, in fact, why are these traffic sitters not trying to get my number??
So, walking, then the blowing... did I mention I am in a skirt.  A flowy cottony tshirt material like skirt.  Well.... woosh, the wind, and UP BLOWS MY SKIRT!!
I.... DIE...
The wind lasted for what felt like an hour, as I stood there in the wind tunnel with my skirt over my crock pot, revealing my panty covered ninny parts!  Y'all, I coulda dropped all of my stuff to push my skirt down, but noooooooooo- I instead try to use my elbows to push my skirt down (did I mention I do not have Go-Go Gadget elbows?  As I am pushing with my elbows, I am for some reason going into a squat motion (possibly because I was dying, not sure), but as I am squatting I am thinking sweet Jesus this is what I would be looking like if I was squatting in some sort of forest setting... trying to pee (did I mention one of my legs doth not bend well)?!
I probably looked like I was just takin a poo right there on 2nd!
Don't ya know those sitters were just thinking, this is sooooo sad.
What a special girl.
The whole time, my mother is on the speaker phone with me and I am giving her the most horrific play by play!
I just keep saying I am not even wearing nice panties!
What am I even talking about?
Like I even own nice panties!

I finally made it in the office, shared the ultimate sadness (which is my life) with my friends inside, but y'all, a little piece of me will forever be on that sidewalk in our downtown area.

Just been one of those days....

Monday, April 2, 2018

Easter Egg-stravaganza!!

It has only been a few days since I last shared, but much has happened with our bunch.  We have been celebrating the Easter weekend with some egg dying, church, quite a bit of discussion with the kids about why we have Easter, and then a wonderful Easter lunch at our parents house.  What a wonderful time we have shared with our family and friends...
I have obviously been busy with some SnapChat too!

Friday after work, we went and kicked off Easter festivities at Honey and G's house to dye eggs.  This is something that we get together and do each year, and this time around my sister had invited two friends, and my brother had invited someone to come too.  #TheMoreTheMerrier
Two takeaways from the night...
1.  At our family get gatherings, Alexa is normally playing in the background.  Well, maybe you can picture it... my mother (in a sweet southern accent... "Now, Alexa, can you play No Diggity... by Black Street?"  Alexa obliged, and as I sat there watching all of the egg dying happen, I was surprised that this was a normal thing for an dye party.  #WhoKnew #HadntThoughtOfThatSongSinceElectricCowboy #DontJudge #ILikeTheWayYaWorkIt #NoDiggity

2.  I was surprised to hear that egg dying was not a thing that they do with their people.  Wha?  I thought this was a "must do" for all households.  #Mistaken 

I love this tradition with our family.  We normally have others do this with us, so they were missed this time around!

Saturday was spent doing laundry, Easter Bunny basket shopping, and weed pulling.  (Note to returning readers... I coulda taken down that left over Christmas d├ęcor, but I decided to leave it up, for yet another week).  #ItIsApril

Easter Sunday.
Had our family done an Easter card... this is what it would have been!
We made it to the early service today (impressive for us).  The service was so wonderful.  The man friend and I love the speaker that comes to our church each Easter, Junior Hill.  He is a great evangelist. and a few years ago Aron went down front to be saved when Hill spoke.  I have been talking to the kids a lot about God, Jesus, following Christ, being saved, and I could tell this morning they both wanted to go forward.  I think their little nerves got the best of them.  We came home and talked about it, and they both (without me or their daddy pushing) want to go forward to be saved and ask Jesus to be in their heart.  We will see what happens, I told them that following Jesus will be the BIGGEST decision they will make in their life.  
My funny bunnies!
After church we went to Easter lunch and my parents.  We had quite a gathering of family and friends (19)!  It was a crowd... all of my favorites!!

One of my favorite things to do, is snap a picture of a family member that has fallen asleep at a family gathering.  The best part about the pics is people gather around the person and do silly things to them!  I love my Uncle David, but he just passed out during after lunch convo... so I snapped him!!

The kids Auntie and cousins, got them beach towels with rings for Easter (for a future beach trip).  Their Uncle Jason thought it would be funny to act like it was a baby.  He makes me laugh!

It was a wonderful day to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ.  Happy Easter to all, and to all a good night.