Thursday, June 29, 2017

This one goes in the book...

Over my 30 something years, I have often found myself in the most bizarre situations.  Many times I am walking away from them thinking...
How did that just happen?
How did I not just die of embarrassment?

Let's take a look-sey in the way back at just some of the strange happenings...

1.  The one time I decided to unleash my inner "sporty spice" and become a intermural volleyball player.  It was short lived, only one game, because I ended up hitting the ball and shattering all of the bones in my wrist and ended up with a quick lil trip to the e.r..

Okay... not strange enough.

2.  How about the one time where I went to hang out with a potential suitor, and when we walked into his house he emptied a packed of white powder on his coffee table... ummmmmmm, hello, it was as if I was a character in an after school special!  I quickly got uncomfortable, pacing, looking out windows (for what?  I do not know).  After he placed the powder in his water glass and lifted it to his mouth to drink, I rushed in to stop him telling him drugs are not cool... he did not have to do this... I am not impressed... he needed to take me home... or I'm walking.  He took me home (obvi, because I am a nut job), but not before telling me he was taking BC Powder for a headache.  Who knew?

3.  Remember murder scene at my old work... no, no, no, I did not murder anyone but I did leave that situation nearly dying of embarrassment.  If you are new here... the story is about things that rhyme with "fenestration".... if that makes you squeamish- or knowing that at anytime over the month I may be "fenustrating", then perhaps you should not click on the hyperlink!

4.  What about the time when I found out I have some odd disorder where I can turn 50 shades of blue, like an Avitar or a Smurf!  It is not everyday folks that you think you are having a stroke, and it turns out that ya just have Raynaud's Phenomenon!

5.  talking about 50 Shades... what about a me going to the Barnes and Noble asking for the 50 Shades book and asking where that book might be... and this gruff woman saying very loudly it was in the erotica section!  It was sooooo loud and in front of others (all judging)!  I followed the lady to the section (since I did not even know there was such a section in the store), and grabbed the book with my head held high and my underpits super sweaty (I do that when I get super uncomfortable and feel many people watching me)... then weaved in and out of the aisles and dumped 50 off in the self-help section.  Then I ran out the door!  In my defense, I did not really know what the book was about, a friend told me I would really enjoy the books, and that was all!  Ha!  That still makes me laugh!

Then there was this week, oh, ya know, when I was out doing government work at the local Wal-Mart.  Wha?  You thought I was working for the school district?  Nah, folks, that is just a cover for my real job!  A few days ago, after a long day at work, I ran up to the WM to pick up a few things for dinner.  I was in the store for about 20 minutes (somehow managed to spend $80 something dollars (on what... I have no idea, I really only got like 10 things)!  Anyways, I walk up to the checkout boy (yes, I chose the boy because I thought he would be a bit faster than geriatric Gen heading up line 9.... BIG MISTAKE.... HUGE!  I walk up, start putting my stuff on the counter.  Pre-teen is super cheerful and immediately asks if I found everything alright (which I always find that to be a strange question, because if I didn't I would still be roaming the place... I digress).  Anyways, I look at pre-teen to answer and that is when his eyes meet my gaze, and he kind of lights up.  It was a little strange, but there was a light.
He asks, "oh, do you work for the government!?"
Me....No (and you can imagine me looking at him like I am looking at my laundry room full of dirty clothes for me to wash).  My nose kinda up in the air, and I am not interested in it at all... kinda like I am not interested in pre-teen boy.
He was then looking at me like I was a fun new box of Legos!
Then, I started thinking how, awe... he is obviously hitting on me!  It was a weird pick up line, but maybe he was trying out his tricks on an older woman... me... and it was a sad attempt, but good for him for trying!
Then he leans a bit closer to me and says are you wearing a wire??
Me... No.
I am thinking how he def needs to work on his "how to talk to a lady skills", and then I let him know that I work for the school district.
Geez... who is this weirdo? Making me uncomfortable... (insert creepy guy emoji) can't he tell that I'm married... I have kids... and a dog!
I walked away thinking how if I ever see him again, I will completely avoid his line.  However, I did kinda walk away with a lil pep in my step, because that cute young guy/boy thought I was a cute "ole" gal.  He was trying to pick me up (and it was a sad attempt, but I felt like, humpf, I will for sure wear this shirt again and this sparklin' shade of chapstick!
  I am getting in the car, and I feel a sharp pain gouging my chest....... ummmmmm (not good, it coulda been the startings of a stroke, maybe a wasp sting, but nooooooo
it just happened to be the fa-reaking underwire of my bra.  It had come outta my bra and outta my button-up, and is sticking out of my shirt!
How many people, besides pre-teen, saw the inner workings of my undergarments?  I will never know.  Did they think I was wearing a wire?  Possibly on some sting operation at the local WM?
I am lucky I met my Aron when I did, cause if he met me now, I am not sure that he would be all about me and my "government work".