Let me start by saying, this week has been rough on my momma heart.
This past Sunday night, I was putting Sophia in her bed and she looked at me with the saddest face explaining that she could not go to school on Monday. She said she cries for me everyday, and just wants to be with me. She misses me! I explained we have to go to school to learn, and that it is just a new place, she is making friends, and this week would be fantastic! I was very surprised when she told me that she had no friends, and plays by herself. Heart.... broken!
I went to bed wondering if this is her just being dramatic, because other times we have talked about school she has been excited. I just could not figure out what had changed in the past few days. So I just laid there and wondered what could "Supermom" do to fix this???
When we woke up in the morning, she was quick to tell me she had a sore throat and could not go to school. I mentioned that I would call the dr and take her in, of course she said maybe her throat was okay and she just did not want to go to school. We were on our way and she just cried, not a loud wailing, just her gazing out of the window with watering eyes (kinda whimpering). It was pitiful. Eventually, we got there with time to spare, and she walked in all by herself.
I messaged her teacher later that day to see what was going on, and found out that Sophia had been crying every morning, since day 1. She would just tell her teacher how much she missed me and wanted to be with me (her momma). She also said that she is terribly shy, and sometimes will play with people, but mostly by herself. I just sat at my office reading and re-reading the email, I was in tears myself, thinking about my Red just walking around the playground, sobbing, longing to be with her momma (I think you can see where she gets her flair for the dramatics)!
As I sat at my desk, I am immediately questioning what I am doing as a momma. Am I loving her well and does she know how wonderful she is? My decision to go back to work.... did I go back too soon? Or am I too much of a hover mom, and now my littles will always struggle with separation from me! Grr, I thought I was doing all things right!!
Brayden, I think it is safe to say this tiny person has my heart. Just a few days ago, after we dropped of Sophia at kindergarten, we were on our way to his school. This is a good time for us to spend time together each morning. He has my attention for 30 minutes or longer before his school starts. I looked at him through the rear view mirror and he was just looking out the window and I asked what he was thinking about. He never looked at me, but said, "momma, you never wanna be with me anymore, you just want to go to work". I wish I coulda seen my face, pretty sure it was pitiful. He was so serious and then cried saying he just wanted to be with me!
WHAT... ARE... THESE... PEOPLE.... TRYING.... TO... DO... TO... ME??
I parked the car and we talked about how much I love him and want to be with him all of the time, but I need to go to work and he needs to go to school to learn and be with his buddies.
What a week. Here I was thinking I was doing so good getting them to school on time, making their lunch each morning, and getting their teeth brushed... and my littles have been sad and I had not even noticed!?
Momma- Whomp.... whomp
I know that this is a struggle that working parents have. Have I made the right decision going back to work? Will I regret this decision later on? Are all of my people happy? Am I happy?
When I went back to work, it was like an answered prayer. It happened so quickly and the work place was very fun to go into everyday. It was good to build new friendships and have time with other adults (not once did I have to feed anyone or help them go to the potty... it was a nice break). I am approaching two years of being back at an office, and I still love this time. I like the environment that I work in and my job. For me, it is really all about the people, if you like the people ya work with, why think of leaving.
Do other parents have this struggle? I feel like I am being pulled in a ba-jillion directions, and I am a pleaser, I want to make everyone happy. My husband. My little people. My family. My work. My friends. Myself, I am somewhere in there, but a lot of the times there is not enough of me to go around, I feel like I am coming up short (everyday). Did I mention, I have a 4 day work trip coming up, this could not happen at a worse time. I know that Aron with have it under control, he's got this!
I am hoping that all of this is just them starting back on their new schedule in a new place with some new people. Praying that this week, week 3, will be a better week! Sophia especially needs a better week!