Keeping it real...

Let me start by saying, this week has been rough on my momma heart.

This past Sunday night, I was putting Sophia in her bed and she looked at me with the saddest face explaining that she could not go to school on Monday.  She said she cries for me everyday, and just wants to be with me.  She misses me!  I explained we have to go to school to learn, and that it is just a new place, she is making friends, and this week would be fantastic! I was very surprised when she told me that she had no friends, and plays by herself.  Heart.... broken!

I went to bed wondering if this is her just being dramatic, because other times we have talked about school she has been excited.  I just could not figure out what had changed in the past few days.  So I just laid there and wondered what could "Supermom" do to fix this???

When we woke up in the morning, she was quick to tell me she had a sore throat and could not go to school.  I mentioned that I would call the dr and take her in, of course she said maybe her throat was okay and she just did not want to go to school.  We were on our way and she just cried, not a loud wailing, just her gazing out of the window with watering eyes (kinda whimpering).  It was pitiful.  Eventually, we got there with time to spare, and she walked in all by herself.

I messaged her teacher later that day to see what was going on, and found out that Sophia had been crying every morning, since day 1.  She would just tell her teacher how much she missed me and wanted to be with me (her momma).  She also said that she is terribly shy, and sometimes will play with people, but mostly by herself.  I just sat at my office reading and re-reading the email, I was in tears myself, thinking about my Red just walking around the playground, sobbing, longing to be with her momma (I think you can see where she gets her flair for the dramatics)!

As I sat at my desk, I am immediately questioning what I am doing as a momma.  Am I loving her well and does she know how wonderful she is?  My decision to go back to work.... did I go back too soon?  Or am I too much of a hover mom, and now my littles will always struggle with separation from me!  Grr, I thought I was doing all things right!!

Brayden, I think it is safe to say this tiny person has my heart.  Just a few days ago, after we dropped of Sophia at kindergarten, we were on our way to his school.  This is a good time for us to spend time together each morning.  He has my attention for 30 minutes or longer before his school starts.  I looked at him through the rear view mirror and he was just looking out the window and I asked what he was thinking about.  He never looked at me, but said, "momma, you never wanna be with me anymore, you just want to go to work".  I wish I coulda seen my face, pretty sure it was pitiful.  He was so serious and then cried saying he just wanted to be with me!

WHAT... ARE... THESE... PEOPLE.... TRYING.... TO... DO... TO... ME??

I parked the car and we talked about how much I love him and want to be with him all of the time, but I need to go to work and he needs to go to school to learn and be with his buddies.

What a week.  Here I was thinking I was doing so good getting them to school on time, making their lunch each morning, and getting their teeth brushed... and my littles have been sad and I had not even noticed!?

Kids-1

Momma- Whomp.... whomp

I know that this is a struggle that working parents have.  Have I made the right decision going back to work?  Will I regret this decision later on?  Are all of my people happy?  Am I happy?

When I went back to work, it was like an answered prayer.  It happened so quickly and the work place was very fun to go into everyday.  It was good to build new friendships and have time with other adults (not once did I have to feed anyone or help them go to the potty... it was a nice break).  I am approaching two years of being back at an office, and I still love this time.  I like the environment that I work in and my job.  For me, it is really all about the people, if you like the people ya work with, why think of leaving. 

Do other parents have this struggle?  I feel like I am being pulled in a ba-jillion directions, and I am a pleaser, I want to make everyone happy.  My husband.  My little people.  My family.  My work.  My friends.  Myself, I am somewhere in there, but a lot of the times there is not enough of me to go around, I feel like I am coming up short (everyday).  Did I mention, I have a 4 day work trip coming up, this could not happen at a worse time.  I know that Aron with have it under control, he's got this!

I am hoping that all of this is just them starting back on their new schedule in a new place with some new people.  Praying that this week, week 3, will be a better week!  Sophia especially needs a better week!

Big day for the babies...

and their parents.  That is right y'all, the babies are no longer babies!  My littles are these people attending school!!  Sophia started kindergarten this week, and Brayden is in pre-k.  It has been BIG for them, and in total Caryn fashion I have made it super dramatic (this is just how I roll)!  I was talking to a girlfriend about it the other day, I am not sure why these tiny people growing up is so hard and so exciting (all in the same breath)!  I understand this is what they are supposed to do.  I knew going into this whole momma/ baby thing that they would grow up, I just feel like things are going at the speed of light!!  It needs to slow down!  Did I not just bring them home from the hospital??  Hello!

Sophia has started kindergarten, and girlfriend is loving it!  She really likes her teacher, and it made my momma heart happy to hear that she has a friend!  She is so shy when going into new groups, and normally will not talk to people, so I have been trying to encourage her to talk with other kids in her class, at least tell them her name.  So, I am happy that she is warming up to the new group quickly.  As a bonus, her teacher has sent out an email each day to let parents know what is going on (and I must admit.... I have looked her up on the Facebook!  That is right, I am a stalker, I did not ask to be friends, I am sure she appreciates the space.)  Ha!  She seems very nice, and I am so excited to see what this year brings.  This was on the meet the teacher day.  There were so many kids...and snow cones!  Best day ever!

I must tell about the first day (and the night before with cousins)! Yes, there was a big photo shoot!

 Let me start with.... geez Louise, school starts early here folks.  7:30!!  I... DIE!

Anyways, super early.  The traffic in our tiny town is ridic (with a capital R)!  I only live about 5 minutes from this school, I am leaving at 7 and barely getting there at 730!  I think parents are camping out in the parking lot and on the drive up street overnight.  Then, the pick up!  I am not even sure that the mommas are leaving from dropping their babies off!  I sat in the car line for about 50 minutes!!  The only bonus is I get to spend some alone time in the car with Brayden (but during that time he is constantly asking if we can go home and if I have any snacks)!  I am very lucky that Honey has volunteered to do the pickup from now on (have I mentioned I LOVE HONEY)!!

So anyway, day one drop off.  I park the car (not close to the school entrance), and we were speed walking to the classroom.  I hate that we could not enjoy the walk into school for the first time, it was very rushed (I did not want girlfriend to get a tardy on her first day).  So, we are speed walking,
zooming in between kids, I trying to NOT make direct eye contact with the weeping parents (I am weak, and they would cause me to crack.... so I must look away, eye on the prize, deliver Red).  We get into the classroom, and poor girl is winded, and I was just glad we made it with 1 minute to spare!  BOOM!  So, we hang up her bag and lunchbox, and her teacher tells her to take her seat.  She just looked so small, and my heart was being ripped out.  I wanted to go and sit with her, and hang out all day!  I just stood there and watched her look at the piece of paper in front of her chair.  She looked at me and gave a little half smile, and sat down.  I told her to have a good day and stepped out.  I just stood at the door and watched her for a few minutes.  She would color, and look up, I would wave, and then repeat.  My chin was quivering, and my eyes were watering.  I just could not help thinking about how she is growing up and is so amazing, and I am so lucky to do life with her.  After a few minutes of the back and forth, I stepped away from the door (Brayden was not into waiting any longer).  We left, and when I got in the car I just cried!  I worried that she was scared with me not at the door (I tell ya, I am dramatic)!

Now, Brayden, his first day was a piece of cake!  He was so ready to see his buddies again.  He attended this school last year, and we have all fallen in love with all of the precious women that take care of them.  They are so great.  So he was ready, and that made me feel the most comfortable about his drop off at school!  It is hard to believe that this guy will be 5 in just a few months, and that he is in this pre-k program!  Where did my baby go??!

I know they will have a great school year!!

Timmy goes to college....

There are a few things that you should never say to a woman...

1.  Are you pregnant?

-  I have witnessed this question being asked to a friend of mine.  FYI, girlfriend was not PG, however she was super offended.  It was incredibly hurtful, and it was super uncomfortable for all involved (my friend, the asker, and myself).

2.  You look tired.

-  I have been told this numerous times.  The sad thing is I was not sleepy, had rested well the night before, and even thought I was looking good that day.

The last thing you should not say to a lady (especially a lady you do not know), well, let me set up the story.

Picture it.  A few days ago, I ventured off to a local store to pick up a sample for work.  I was not alone, I brought two of the guys I work with (JR and Timmy- remember, I use fake names here folks, I do not want the 10s of readers stalking my work friends!)  Just kidding.  So, the three of us walk to the back of the store and are looking at dorm room furniture, just a couple of young looking kids (myself is included) hanging out... or so I thought.

As the guys were geeking out over the construction of a chair (I say that with love, they are engineers and get super pumped about things that make my eyes glaze over), but anyway, they are geeking out and I am looking around (about 4 steps away from them).  This nice lady (AKA, wolf in sheep's clothing) walks up and begins to do the whole... ya need help, nice day, we have more of those in back...yadda, yadda, yadda.  I engage in this small talk, because I love to chit chat (especially with strangers) and I honestly I just did not have anything else going on.

So, as I start to turn away from "wolf in sheep's clothing" she kinda brings her hands up to her heart, like an "awwweeee moment", and then proceeds to ask about me getting my son all set up for college, and buying him furniture for his dorm room.

Surely this woman is mistaken.  I am looking over my shoulder, like o my gosh, is she talking to me?  Is she having a stroke, I mean 5 seconds ago we were small talking the weather, and now she is asking me about the man child I work with and thinking that I am staging his dorm room with furniture!!!

Was she nutzo?

Now, please note, I did not say this, but my thoughts were a little bit like this and a little bit not like this, hey lady, I look young, not like I just graduated yesterday young, but fa-reeking young!  I just got my new hair cut, I had on a cute outfit, I really even put forth effort and did my makeup really good (extra concealer and the bb cream), did she not notice?  I mean I ooze young!

I wish I coulda had one of those outta body experiences where you can see what you are looking like at that very moment, because I am sure my look was priceless.

Like, o no she di-en't!

I was hoping Larry and Moe had not heard her, because I woulda died right there in the store.  They would have never let me live that down and probably would have started calling me momma!
I simply muttered, "I'm not his momma".  Then I let her know, that the man child who was standing behind me had already graduated.
Really y'all.  This boy Timmy is like 10 feet tall (and by 10 feet, I mean like close to 6 feet), has dark hair, and IT DOES NOT LOOK LIKE I COULD BIRTH HIM AT ALL!  What is wrong with people?  I was finally feeling good about me and all my business, and now this woman has me looking into all things botox and making me feel like I should start shopping at Forever 21 or Hot Topic.  Geez.

Stay at home momma...

Well, I am on day number 2 of my vacation.  I am spending it with the kids at home, and I am SO very thrilled about it.  We are not planning a big vacation this year, so I just decided to take a few days off, and spend them at home with my littlest loves.  I am just going to put it out there, the time with them is so wonderful (there is nothing sarcastic about that statement, I am soaking this time up).  Sure there have been fights and a bit of grumpy attitudes, but this time is so fun.  It makes me miss when I was able to be at home with them (like really miss it).  I am not mad that I went back to work, I truly got lucky with the job I am in. However, there have been times over the past few years where I have thought (deep thoughts) did I make the right decision or will I regret not spending all of this time at home with them.  So, these few days, I am just loving these moments.  We are not terribly busy.  We have been to the local children's museum, a junk store or 2, the Wal-Mart, the splash park, played Barbies, colored, even played some Ninja Turtles on the Nintendo.  Right now I decided to finally take a seat and blog about the day, Sophia is having some quiet time, and Brayden is watching the new Alvin and the Chipmunks (can y'all believe they have remade this cartoon, it is a BIG hit in our house)!

Looks like the quiet time is ending, stay at home momma has to go back to "work"!