Saturday, August 12, 2017

Thou shalt not....

ride an 8 year olds bike, while walking the dog, while the 8 year old is standing on the back of the bike...  I believe this is in the Bible, seriously, I think I read it on page 32.

Anyways, our summer has almost ended at la casa de Foresee.  We have been trying to spend our days and evenings busy (doing anything in the world besides sitting and holding an IPAD... FYI, I loathe the IPAD)!  If we are not at childcare or at work, we are busying our bodies playing outside:  soccer, bike riding, basketball, strolling the downtown area, or even hanging out at the local playground.  Our days will soon be full of early mornings, school, homework, and extra-curricular activities, so we are just trying to enjoy these last few days of freedom!  Ugh.... how I will miss summer.
One thing that has been BIG on our to-do list was get the kids riding their bikes WITHOUT training wheels!  We practiced with Red over a year ago, she threw a huge fit, acted like we were trying to kill her, and she let us know she would never ride on that "death trap" (my words, not hers) until we put those trainers back on!  Well, we played hard ball and said we would not be doing that, she needed to practice!  HUGE FAIL, because it took over a year for her interest to spike.  Within two days girlfriend figured it out... lil brother got it too (the same day), but since he likes to go fast down hills he has asked to put the trainers back on for a bit.  He has also figured out how to take them off himself, so he just kinda does what he wants with those things, one day they are off, one day they are back on the bike!
Today, we woke up (super early, because that is how my family rolls, they hate sleep, especially sleeping in on a weekend, before school starts back.  They only like sleep on days when you have to wake them up to take them to school!)  Anyways, we rise and man friend suggests that we go to a local spot for breakfast (who can refuse that, I did not feel like cooking anything for these people... go ahead, judge me).  After that we walked around our square's farmers market, then stopped at one of the schools playgrounds to play.  It was a fun morning.  Normal people would have called it a day, I mean, we just ate... a lot of food, and played outside, and it looks like rain... so let's stay in and binge watch Netflix shows???  Wha?  No one?  Welp, we come in for a pee break and then my 3 active people decided we should go bike riding.  Normally this leaves me out (I do not have a bike, it is not my thing, the seats are hard, and I am not into pedaling stuff, or getting hot, or leg cramps) so I just stay at home during these trail ventures.  Not, today.  Today, I decided I would take our show dog Chippers (who Bray has started to call Chappers, which is confusing to the dog, but I am going with it), along for the trip.  My guy loaded up all of the bikes, 1 child, and 1 helmet (because that is just what happened... that's right, I guess we are not all about safety at our house, but I figure I never wore any sort of protective gear when riding a bike and I survived 1984-1996, so here's hoping the Foresee wee-babes have the same skill), and I loaded up the dog and Bray in my car and off we went to the trails.
I am just gonna be honest, I went to really just walk the dog.  I never thought that anyone in my family would be riding their bikes to my walking speed...
1.  because I am slow
2.  because that would make for a dumb bike ride
and 3.  because I am slow
Well, ya never know what you are gonna get with my crew.  Red is now riding her new bike (which is not the bike she learned to ride with no training wheels).  She says it's a bit big, so every few pedals she acts like she is going to fall and stops.  Then she gets mad and does a whiny thing.  I just try to be encouraging and build her up... but kinda want to run into the woods and leave her on the trail.  Anyways, man friend and Bray ride a bit and then come back to me, the dog, and a whiny Red, it is annoying so I just tell them to go on, it is hard to maneuver a dog in-between three people stopping and go-ing on their bikes!  Finally, the boys ride on and leave me with the little lady who has now decided she will not only whine but say that she really doesn't want to ride her bike, she'd rather walk it!
Want.  to pull.. my hair out!!
I just tried to walk faster thinking that she will get on the bike to keep up, but this chick came to play!  She keeps on walking and then takes off her helmet!
I start cussing myself on that trail (wha, no one can hear me), and then the dog stops.... 3rd stop to poop (yes, 3rd)!  Then the poop is no longer poop it is diarrhea!  Duh, why wouldn't this be happening right now!  People are walking by, looking at me like why don't you pick that up.... and I just want to say I left my syringe at home folks, get to stepping!  Then they are probably thinking she's not parenting well... leaving her sad child in the dust!  After what felt like 4 miles (but was probably only .5) we stopped at a little playground, and of course one of the kids has to pee!  (Which this makes me nuts, because I told everyone to go before we left)!
So, we start to head back quickly to the car, and she cries and says she is just gonna walk the bike back!  Grrrrrrr!!!
I tell the boys to ride on, we will catch up (when I say "we" I mean me, the "bike-walker", and "diarrhea dog".  We are quite a trio.
I take the bike and tell her I will ride it back and walk the dog and she needed to pick up the pace.  Ha!  That did not happen!  She... be.... slow when she is upset.
So, I am riding, the dog is stopping to poooh, and she's still upset (because now I have her bike)!  So now I look like a momma who makes her kid walk and steals their bike!  I am the worst!
I finally turn back to her and tell her to come on.  She has these pegs on the back of the bike for someone to stand on... I tell her to jump on and I will drive the bike!  The first two minutes she is squeezing my neck for dear life, saying that I am going to crash and hurt her head!  Trail people are def judging me now (especially since her helmet was hanging on the handlebars), did I mention I am still walking "diarrhea dog"?  It is hot mess express!!
Finally she loosens up her grip, which was good because I kinda lost the flow of oxygen to my brain and was in and out of consciousness, and she begins to enjoy the trail ride!  After going up a tiny hill, I am heavy panting and sweating profusely, and we are approaching the dog park of the trail!
Now every dog is interested in my dog, so he wants to stop and greet all of them through the fence (did I mention his IBS has still not stopped?)!  Lawd y'all!
I just wanted to ditch the bike, the girl, the dog, and my boys who were standing like a couple of cool kids leaning up against the rest area building (I wanted to yell, it's cool, I got this Foresee, you just stay there)!

We get to the car, and I just get off the bike and say I am out.  I head for the car (walking a bit funny because my lady bits are prob bruised and broken), I put Bray in the back of the car, loaded poo-poo in the front seat and we go!  I was done!  This was not part of my plan for the day, and I was just wanting to be out for a leisurely stroll, but noooooo, I spent 30 minutes riding a 8 year olds bike, with her standing on the back, walking my dog who was having a bout of irritable bowel syndrome!
If ya need me... I'll be sitting on ice (I hear that helps with swelling).

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