Sunday, August 30, 2015

Keeping it real...

Let me start by saying, this week has been rough on my momma heart.
This past Sunday night, I was putting Sophia in her bed and she looked at me with the saddest face explaining that she could not go to school on Monday.  She said she cries for me everyday, and just wants to be with me.  She misses me!  I explained we have to go to school to learn, and that it is just a new place, she is making friends, and this week would be fantastic! I was very surprised when she told me that she had no friends, and plays by herself.  Heart.... broken!
I went to bed wondering if this is her just being dramatic, because other times we have talked about school she has been excited.  I just could not figure out what had changed in the past few days.  So I just laid there and wondered what could "Supermom" do to fix this???
When we woke up in the morning, she was quick to tell me she had a sore throat and could not go to school.  I mentioned that I would call the dr and take her in, of course she said maybe her throat was okay and she just did not want to go to school.  We were on our way and she just cried, not a loud wailing, just her gazing out of the window with watering eyes (kinda whimpering).  It was pitiful.  Eventually, we got there with time to spare, and she walked in all by herself.
I messaged her teacher later that day to see what was going on, and found out that Sophia had been crying every morning, since day 1.  She would just tell her teacher how much she missed me and wanted to be with me (her momma).  She also said that she is terribly shy, and sometimes will play with people, but mostly by herself.  I just sat at my office reading and re-reading the email, I was in tears myself, thinking about my Red just walking around the playground, sobbing, longing to be with her momma (I think you can see where she gets her flair for the dramatics)!
As I sat at my desk, I am immediately questioning what I am doing as a momma.  Am I loving her well and does she know how wonderful she is?  My decision to go back to work.... did I go back too soon?  Or am I too much of a hover mom, and now my littles will always struggle with separation from me!  Grr, I thought I was doing all things right!!
Brayden, I think it is safe to say this tiny person has my heart.  Just a few days ago, after we dropped of Sophia at kindergarten, we were on our way to his school.  This is a good time for us to spend time together each morning.  He has my attention for 30 minutes or longer before his school starts.  I looked at him through the rear view mirror and he was just looking out the window and I asked what he was thinking about.  He never looked at me, but said, "momma, you never wanna be with me anymore, you just want to go to work".  I wish I coulda seen my face, pretty sure it was pitiful.  He was so serious and then cried saying he just wanted to be with me!
WHAT... ARE... THESE... PEOPLE.... TRYING.... TO... DO... TO... ME??
I parked the car and we talked about how much I love him and want to be with him all of the time, but I need to go to work and he needs to go to school to learn and be with his buddies.
What a week.  Here I was thinking I was doing so good getting them to school on time, making their lunch each morning, and getting their teeth brushed... and my littles have been sad and I had not even noticed!?
Momma- Whomp.... whomp
I know that this is a struggle that working parents have.  Have I made the right decision going back to work?  Will I regret this decision later on?  Are all of my people happy?  Am I happy?
When I went back to work, it was like an answered prayer.  It happened so quickly and the work place was very fun to go into everyday.  It was good to build new friendships and have time with other adults (not once did I have to feed anyone or help them go to the potty... it was a nice break).  I am approaching two years of being back at an office, and I still love this time.  I like the environment that I work in and my job.  For me, it is really all about the people, if you like the people ya work with, why think of leaving. 
Do other parents have this struggle?  I feel like I am being pulled in a ba-jillion directions, and I am a pleaser, I want to make everyone happy.  My husband.  My little people.  My family.  My work.  My friends.  Myself, I am somewhere in there, but a lot of the times there is not enough of me to go around, I feel like I am coming up short (everyday).  Did I mention, I have a 4 day work trip coming up, this could not happen at a worse time.  I know that Aron with have it under control, he's got this!
I am hoping that all of this is just them starting back on their new schedule in a new place with some new people.  Praying that this week, week 3, will be a better week!  Sophia especially needs a better week!


Megan said...

Your daughter and my daughter could not sound more alike. Last year she started kindergarten and the same thing, she's cry because she missed us. Her teacher had us send a picture of our family that she kept in her cubbie hole and when she missed us she could walk over and look at the picture, it really helped her. I went the second week of scho to have lunch with her, they were at recess and I watched through a window her standing all alone not wanting to play with any kids (I think my heart ripped out of my chest). Her teacher reassured me some kids just take a little longer to get forward a few months and she was LOVING it. Just keep reminding her of all the good things school brings- she will get it. My heart aches for you and I feel the heartache. I woke outside the home and can relate. It WILL get better and you are doing an amazing job!!

Caryn C. Foresee said...

Megan, thank you. I am hopeful for the week to come. Tonight while tucking her in she did not tell me she felt bad and did mention she was ready for school tomorrow- I am praying that this is good!!!

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain. My son starts K next week and I feel like I have missed his entire childhood bc Ive always been a working mom. It is a daily struggle of all sorts of emotions

Anonymous said...

I would never want to look back and have regrets. Quit working until your kids are much older.
Young kids need their momma and after the school day they need their momma as well.

michelle said...

First let me say, I am a people pleaser too, ha. :) I have two kids, ages 4 & 7. Until they were 5 and 2 1/2 years, I was working outside the home, part-time 3 days a week. I loved my job and the people there (I totally get it!). However, my heart was divided. It hurt to leave my babies behind each work day and pick them up at the end. I'd missed everything in between. Looking back now, my regret is that I didn't quit work sooner. Yes, it was already an act of faith financially, but I will always ask myself why couldn't I have trusted God to let me do it sooner? (Btw, once I left my job, I never once missed it...and I can still visit the people!)

Second, let me say, I never tell people things I don't think they want to hear...goes with people pleasing. :) So, I'm stepping out on a limb by even writing these things. But here goes, this is just another momma sharing her heart & experience. But I would say, listen to your kids. (Not to say kids can't be dramatic, but hear their hearts!) And listen to your true desires. You may absolutely love your job, the people, the freedom, the ability to focus on things without little people interruptions, but maybe the way to pose the question would be this: If you only had a year to live, how would you live it? Juggling work, family, kids, etc? Or making your people top priority and cutting out the things that detract from them? It's a question only you can answer. (I know what my answer is.:)

Kids grow up quickly, as you well know. You are God's gift to them to help them along the way...loving them, supporting them, teaching them with everything you've got. And they are God's gifts to you. :) Treasure your time with them. Live without regret!

Lastly, I'll just say I love being a stay at home, homeschooling mama. It's the role God has for me for only a few short years and I intend to make the most of it!

Ask God for wisdom, direction & the courage to follow it. He will guide you. And may He bless you richly!!


Anonymous said...

Wow! This post really touches my heart. My boys are now 18, 20 & 29. I quit work when my 20 year old was 3 months old. I was offered a really, really good job when they were 2 and 4 and I just couldn't accept it. I did start a house cleaning business when they were 9 and 11. If I needed to take off for field trips, etc. then I could, plus I was only out of the home for about 4 hours a day, 3 days a week while school was out. I can tell you that I have never, ever regretted not accepting that job when they were little. Yes, the benefits and the retirement were great but my boys and the time I spent/spend with them are worth far, far more. The years are going to go by and before you know it, your children are going to be graduating from high school. My youngest son graduated in June - I don't even know how that is possible. The old saying "The days are long but the years are short" is so true. My relationships with my boys are awesome and I know being home with them contributed to that. If it's possible for you to stay home, I would. No condemnation here : ) Being a mom is hard work, no doubt, but you will never get these years back.

Maydelin said...

Hi, my heard feels heavy with this story...I'm a Teacher and my first thought was about, what the teacher is doing to help your child? my priority as a teacher, for me at least, is that every kid get involved in all activities and play with other kids and makes friends! and if your kid is crying the whole morning is because she's no quite ready, so can you send her just for a couples of hours at first? at least till she don't cry the whole day... also I will talk to the teacher and tell her that she needs to do something about it, BECAUSE IS HER Work.

and about your work and kids!! just do what you think is the best for your family! my best wishes

Anonymous said...

Speaking from our experience, although I had taught in the public school systems earlier, I never did once we began our family of 5 daughters who are all well adjusted, happily married adults. Another suggestion- our state doesn't require enrollment in a school (homeschool or otherwise) until the child becomes 8 yrs. of age,& we used this opportunity to have our girls home with me. The local school's principal told me he wished all parents would follow our example. The principal in our local Christian school saw how well our daughters performed that the policy has been altered to require all students entering first grade to be older. Almost without exception, our girls were the top students in their classes. As a teacher I had witnessed enough to realize what is usually best for children, & we made our decisions accordingly. I wholeheartedly agree with Michelle & Anonymous in regards to being at home to rear & train your children. God bless you!

Tiffany said...

She will be fine. She will! Don't quit your job and don't feel guilty because you enjoy working. There is plenty of data out there to support the fact that kids of working moms are not destined to a life of crime. Some studies even suggest they are happier and better adjusted in the long run :)

I've been all sorts of moms. A working mom (FT, PT at an office, PT at home) and now a FT SAHM for the last 5 years. My boys are 11 and 7. My 7 yr old struggled greatly with the transition to K. We had a lot of mornings with tummy aches and sore throats. Truthfully, it was after Christmas before he really began to flourish. He is a summer baby, and although he was academically and socially ready, he maybe wasn't quite there emotionally. However, it all turned out fine! 1st grade was awesome and 2nd is going well also.

If you can, I recommend some classroom visits and certainly some impromptu lunches. Watch her interact with the other kids and I think you'll feel better. Things are rarely as dire as they tell you ;). Also, part of our problem was the teacher's communication style. It was very different from how we communicate at home. Watch the teacher in action with the kids. Maybe she is a little intimidating? You will probably get a gut feeling if there is an issue with the teacher.

Lastly, I'll warn you that if you thought the baby/toddler years were tough on you, school is tougher! Not physically, but emotionally. It's HARD to think about your babies out in the world by themselves (the world being their school). Theie feelings WILL get hurt, they will not get awards they think they should have, they will have teachers that don't adddoorrrre them, they will be the last kid picked, they will be left out of a bday party, on and on. It happens. And it hurts your mama heart SO much. But, that's life. It's not fair. You cannot shelter them from that forever, even though the urge is so strong. Your Red with be fine! And you will too!

Anonymous said...

I' just reading this now in the middle of October. Please , Please post an update and let us know how your daughter is doing? I'm a public school teacher, and yes, transition takes time. Usually, after a few weeks, they get the routine and see the fun and joy that come with making new friends. Perhaps you can do some role playing on how to ask friends to play. But, honestly, she may WANT to play alone. It's only a problem if she WANTS to play with others, but doesn't know how to start that interaction....Her teacher can help facilitate that, if it's the case. My heart hurts for all of you ...and I'm so hoping things are better now that you're 2 months into the year. I'll keep checking back for an update. As far as working or not, that's between you and God. Everyone has an opinion that does not particularly apply to you and your family. Pray and seek God and then go forth. You're doing everything right to prepare them for the world. Trust God and yourself. Praying for the whole family.
Most sincerely,
Barbara in San Antonio