Thursday, August 13, 2015

Timmy goes to college....

There are a few things that you should never say to a woman...
1.  Are you pregnant?
-  I have witnessed this question being asked to a friend of mine.  FYI, girlfriend was not PG, however she was super offended.  It was incredibly hurtful, and it was super uncomfortable for all involved (my friend, the asker, and myself).
2.  You look tired.
-  I have been told this numerous times.  The sad thing is I was not sleepy, had rested well the night before, and even thought I was looking good that day.
The last thing you should not say to a lady (especially a lady you do not know), well, let me set up the story.
Picture it.  A few days ago, I ventured off to a local store to pick up a sample for work.  I was not alone, I brought two of the guys I work with (JR and Timmy- remember, I use fake names here folks, I do not want the 10s of readers stalking my work friends!)  Just kidding.  So, the three of us walk to the back of the store and are looking at dorm room furniture, just a couple of young looking kids (myself is included) hanging out... or so I thought.
As the guys were geeking out over the construction of a chair (I say that with love, they are engineers and get super pumped about things that make my eyes glaze over), but anyway, they are geeking out and I am looking around (about 4 steps away from them).  This nice lady (AKA, wolf in sheep's clothing) walks up and begins to do the whole... ya need help, nice day, we have more of those in back...yadda, yadda, yadda.  I engage in this small talk, because I love to chit chat (especially with strangers) and I honestly I just did not have anything else going on.
So, as I start to turn away from "wolf in sheep's clothing" she kinda brings her hands up to her heart, like an "awwweeee moment", and then proceeds to ask about me getting my son all set up for college, and buying him furniture for his dorm room.
Surely this woman is mistaken.  I am looking over my shoulder, like o my gosh, is she talking to me?  Is she having a stroke, I mean 5 seconds ago we were small talking the weather, and now she is asking me about the man child I work with and thinking that I am staging his dorm room with furniture!!!
Was she nutzo?
Now, please note, I did not say this, but my thoughts were a little bit like this and a little bit not like this, hey lady, I look young, not like I just graduated yesterday young, but fa-reeking young!  I just got my new hair cut, I had on a cute outfit, I really even put forth effort and did my makeup really good (extra concealer and the bb cream), did she not notice?  I mean I ooze young!
I wish I coulda had one of those outta body experiences where you can see what you are looking like at that very moment, because I am sure my look was priceless.
Like, o no she di-en't!
I was hoping Larry and Moe had not heard her, because I woulda died right there in the store.  They would have never let me live that down and probably would have started calling me momma!
I simply muttered, "I'm not his momma".  Then I let her know, that the man child who was standing behind me had already graduated.
Really y'all.  This boy Timmy is like 10 feet tall (and by 10 feet, I mean like close to 6 feet), has dark hair, and IT DOES NOT LOOK LIKE I COULD BIRTH HIM AT ALL!  What is wrong with people?  I was finally feeling good about me and all my business, and now this woman has me looking into all things botox and making me feel like I should start shopping at Forever 21 or Hot Topic.  Geez.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Had me laughing out loud! Oh gosh, what a moment.