Monday, April 27, 2020

That was super cringey....

I blame this mostly on the fact that I have been in a quarantine sitch with my people for such a long time, and I possibly do not know how to interact with the general public that well.  Let's be real, the only people I am really seeing are my friends at the Sonic (I see them on the reg when I pick up daily drinks and corn dogs for me and my students/ children). Okay, that is not real, the kids are not eating corn dogs... I am eating the corn dogs, yes plural.  I am eating more than one... at a time... because I have no control in this quarantine!  Uggggh.  I am gross.

The only other people I am seeing on the daily are my mother and sister on the Facetime and my co-workers when we google chat.  So, I am pretty much alone (with kids, man friend, and the dogs) on Foresee island.  I know what y'all are thinking.  You are probably living the life over there at casa de Foresee.
You are right. 
1.  I am not showering each day (because I am becoming a skank)
2.  I am pretty much just staying in pajamas (because I am becoming more and more comfortable looking unattractive, I mean really, who am i trying to impress.... I already have a man friend and my friends at Sonic, so they are all seeing me at my low and are still loving me)
3.  Besides my Sonic visits and since the kids and I are so good at social distancing we have discovered that Chick fila will deliver to your home (and leave your food on your doorstep)!  I KNOW!  I do not even have to talk to anyone!!  Well, there was the one day when Brayden answered the door to say thank you and get the food, and the dropper-offer thought Brayden might have been home alone, so they asked to see his mommy.  He told them I could not come to the door because I was cleaning up dog pee (I DIE).  I guess they thought it was an excuse, so they were standing strong on presenting a mama or he would not be gettin' any chicken biscuits.
So, he yelled for me, I came a runnin' (still in my pajamas and still holdin' the te-te towel).  I told the dropper-offer, sorry I was cleaning up te-te....
Why??  I have no idea.
Possibly because I have been in the quarantine and forgot how to interact with others (hand palm to head, I is pitiful)  Yes, I know I said, "I is pitiful".
Anyways, dropper-offer then told me about the door drop and I would not even have to see them.  I am still not sure if it was because he did not want to see me... or if he was just trying to be helpful, either way it is a win win for both of us.
I know what you are thinking... that was it, that was her cringey moment.
I wish.
I have so many cringey moments.
This I completely blame on my recent lack of socialization.
The other day, I told the man friend I just had to run to the gas station to put gas in the car.  Yes, I volunteered myself to run and get gas, a job that is not my favorite to do ever since the "zoolander experience" pre corona-virus.... that may be another post for another time.  Anyways, I did not really go and get gas, I instead went to the Wal-Mart because I just wanted to get out.  I wanted to look at stuff, maybe purchase something, walk around.  So there I am in the public, walking and minding my own business when I see an ol' guy from high school.  He was walking towards me (he was not even making eye contact), I could-a kept right on walking, but noooooooo I have not been with people and I wanna talk... to everyone, especially the people I have not seen since 97'.  Ugh.
So, I said his name loudly... we will call him Chuck.... because Chuck is not really his name and if I were to release his name I am sure the 10s of people reading this high quality work would be thinking... ummm, she is fo' sho' trying to get a boyfriend (lets be real... I am happy with my man friend... he walks fences chainsawin' tree limbs (once again, that is another post, and now reading that back, I see that phrasing may make him seem like a cool dare-devil with crazy tricks or like an episod of Datelane/ 48 Hours Mystery... the episode where he is a cray man friend that lurks the streets with a chainsaw... that could be used... not on branches... I digress.
Anyways.... back to Chuck.
So, I am yelping for Chucks attention (which I get, as well as everyone else in the bird feeder aisle), and he looks at me with a blank look).  To which I say, it is me, Caryn.
Then I say a phrase that could only come from me day drinking... which I am not really doing, but that is the only thing that could ever cause me to say sucha thing... I said, "looking good Chuck".
What.  The.. Hell-o... Just.... Happened?
It is as if I had a stroke.  A massive stroke.
Right there next to humming bird juice.
I am sure it sounded creepy.
Hell, I was creeped out.
Then all I could do was laugh.
That just made me look like some sorta mean girl (or a psycho path).  Either way.
Chuck just smiled and looked down.
Well, because the situation was not strange enough I just stood my ground.  I mean, hello, ask me what I have been doing?  It is like a ping pong game, I hit and you hit, you know conversation, back and forth.  That is when I am lookin' at Chuck and realize... ummmmm, that ain't even Chuck.
That is when I vowed to no longer talk to anyone.... in the Wal-Mart ever again.
Until 5 minutes later when I am tryin to make it outta the store to the check out and I am distracted by a bin of outdoor pillows, and I am nearly leaned over looking for matching bird pillows... because really, who does not need those?
Then someone bumps into my cart.
I try to ignore them, because maybe it was Chuck ready to conver-sate.  Nuh-uh!
I ain't talking, I swore off people.
Then the cart bumper touches my shoulder to say hey.
(Hello- pandemic- the rona, you're not wearing gloves (not judging, just stating).
So I look back as the guy is passing me and it is an actual person I know, so I gave a strange hello and kept on rollin. I am sure I looked rude, I mean he is actually a friend.
Y'all, I am ready for this virus to be gone.
I need people.
I need reg socialization.
I need to never see "Chuck" again.
I need to start putting my wedding ring back on (but I have really had too many corn dogs and it is a tinge-y tight).

So, anyone else do anything that you would like to discuss?
Are people still reading?


ddthom5404 said...

You are so cray cray. I laughed so hard.

Missy F said...

I love how you refer to it as "the walmart" absolutely hilarious. AMD I got your chuck moment..I'm one of those awkward people that says "fine thanks, how are you?" before or as someone is saying hello bc I am anticipating it.

Anonymous said...

Still are hilarious!