Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Self tans at midnight...

Y'all know I like to keep this blog PG (why I have no idea, it is not like there are 10 year olds out there reading my blog)  Anyways, we are all adults... I hope.
We are going on a vacay and at 8 this morning I decided I was pale and needed a tan.  Humm, poor planner?  I think so!  So, since I did not have a lot of free time, I decided to use some self tanner (at 11 o'clock, at night). That is right people, I should be resting, but no, I am sitting here in my spray tan underwear (they are spray tan underwear bc these are the ones I wear when I get a spray tan... ya get it?? spray tan underwear).  They are not the most attractive drawers I own (okay, let's be honest... I do not really own attractive drawers... I am old and so are my undergarments), these s.t.u. are the color of a treasure troll (bc they have been sprayed so many times... and washed, hello I am not a skank).  Washing does not help the color, they are just the color of a spray tan!
Anyways, I have used these towelets to smear on some color and now I am hanging out drying!
Sheesh!  Of course, I came out of the bathroom door and the dog runs up to greet me and licks all over my right leg, so I am pretty sure I am going to look pretty ridic (down there)!
I really did not think this whole thing out, in fact, I am currently typing this post with the stiffest arms ever, so the bend in my arms stays even.  I am saying a silent prayer that my man friend does not walk into the living room and sees me in this position.  I am afraid my hot level would plummet from 4 to 1!
Not only do I have stiff arms, but my underarms are burning a bit, I did the self tan all over and it was close to my underpits (this is a Brayden word, and I think it is funny).  Anyways, I shaved this morning, and well this is just another situation that is not turning out so hot.
I really should have thought this whole thing out.  I am praying that tomorrow the color looks natural and even and that no one looks at me and makes a oompa loompa joke!
Sorry to give the 10s a visual of this hot mess express!  #YoureWelcome
To end on a sweet note, some happy moments from the past few days...

They dressed themselves... and I did not change them.  All of the clothes are too small (from last year)!

Have a happy day!!

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